Archive for December, 2005
Funniest thing I have read in a long time!!!!!!I saw this on the Stephen Malkmus Message board and literally choked on my coffee this morning….Enjoy!!!
1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.2. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.4. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.5. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris insteaddecided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.6. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd hadgathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.7. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction wasfinalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.8. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.9. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.10. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.11. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influenceto have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died ofroundhouse kick related deaths.12. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.13. To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.14. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.15. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a highschool football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded thereferees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and thenproceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.16. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order aretrademarked names for his left and right legs.17. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a cannedbeverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.18. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die fromcholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.19. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck.
Funniest thing I have read in a long time!!!!!!I saw this on the Stephen Malkmus Message board and literally choked on my coffee this morning….Enjoy!!!
1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.2. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.4. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.5. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris insteaddecided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.6. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd hadgathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.7. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction wasfinalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.8. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.9. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.10. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.11. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influenceto have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died ofroundhouse kick related deaths.12. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.13. To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.14. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.15. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a highschool football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded thereferees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and thenproceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.16. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order aretrademarked names for his left and right legs.17. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a cannedbeverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.18. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die fromcholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.19. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck.
Somebody once said…..
It was an ugly game, no offense showed up, although the defense came up huge. Champ Bailey came up with his fifth game in a row with an interception. I was griping earlier this season how uneffective he was, and I am pretty excited he has come to earn a paycheck and than some. The crowd stayed till the waining moments to see the Cowboys beat the Chiefs, which coincdentally enough was the loudest cheer of the day!!! On the plus side, Plummer threw no INT’s but the running game was pretty lackluster, either that, or the notorious Ravens defense was playing up to par. I have to give a quick shout out to my cousin who was gracious enough to take me, and yes I will get you some drinks this week!!!
Somebody once said…..
It was an ugly game, no offense showed up, although the defense came up huge. Champ Bailey came up with his fifth game in a row with an interception. I was griping earlier this season how uneffective he was, and I am pretty excited he has come to earn a paycheck and than some. The crowd stayed till the waining moments to see the Cowboys beat the Chiefs, which coincdentally enough was the loudest cheer of the day!!! On the plus side, Plummer threw no INT’s but the running game was pretty lackluster, either that, or the notorious Ravens defense was playing up to par. I have to give a quick shout out to my cousin who was gracious enough to take me, and yes I will get you some drinks this week!!!
Film ReviewIn the industry, we would call this kind of movie a SNOOZER!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!
It was eye candy for some moments, but lacked the witty dialogue of a Lord of the Rings and kinda slow. The fight scene was hohum, but maybe the kids might like, they usually like anything anyways. I guess we may be in store for 6 more of these….
Film ReviewIn the industry, we would call this kind of movie a SNOOZER!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!
It was eye candy for some moments, but lacked the witty dialogue of a Lord of the Rings and kinda slow. The fight scene was hohum, but maybe the kids might like, they usually like anything anyways. I guess we may be in store for 6 more of these….
**Sneak Peek**
I got a free sneak peek of the new movie by Stephen Gaghan, wrote the screenplay for “Traffic”(one of my favorite movies), and turned out to be better than expected. The cinematography was great, just like “Traffic” and the typecasting was excellent. It was great to see Matt Damon’s range as an energy analyst bad ass for an investment firm out of Switzerland. He really went out on a limb and tried something different from his other movies where he plays the usual hotshot. The movie, though predictable at times, did have its moments and great points, i.e. not all the Arabic Princes that come to power want to just spend their money on lavish items and sweet $50,000 a night hotel rooms.
**Sneak Peek**
I got a free sneak peek of the new movie by Stephen Gaghan, wrote the screenplay for “Traffic”(one of my favorite movies), and turned out to be better than expected. The cinematography was great, just like “Traffic” and the typecasting was excellent. It was great to see Matt Damon’s range as an energy analyst bad ass for an investment firm out of Switzerland. He really went out on a limb and tried something different from his other movies where he plays the usual hotshot. The movie, though predictable at times, did have its moments and great points, i.e. not all the Arabic Princes that come to power want to just spend their money on lavish items and sweet $50,000 a night hotel rooms.
The Strokes-First Impressions of Earth….
Upon the first couple of listens, it really hasn’t left much of an “impression” so to speak, I am very disappointed, but do hope that in do time album may grow on me. I really like the Strokes, and hate the fact that there is a huge backlash just because they have accomplished much of their success on their own terms. Not to mention that their privledged upbringing is something that is always mentioned in most reviews about their work. Something of note is Julian Casablanca’s voice. He has definately been working on improving, and the new material allows for his range to show.
The Strokes-First Impressions of Earth….
Upon the first couple of listens, it really hasn’t left much of an “impression” so to speak, I am very disappointed, but do hope that in do time album may grow on me. I really like the Strokes, and hate the fact that there is a huge backlash just because they have accomplished much of their success on their own terms. Not to mention that their privledged upbringing is something that is always mentioned in most reviews about their work. Something of note is Julian Casablanca’s voice. He has definately been working on improving, and the new material allows for his range to show.
